Ad Copy Mistake

The cool thing about using “lightening quick speed of implementation” is that you learn a lot of interesting stuff as you go along.

For example, after I launched my bodyweight DVD package this week, I realized I made one mistake that held me back from making even more sales and helping even more people lose fat with bodyweight exercises.

Can you guess what it was?

Take a few minutes and go through my bodyweight copy here:


Can you see what I did wrong?

What was the one thing I could have done to make more sales?

Post your answer in the comments below…

The winner gets FREE admission to the OSP Copywriting Teleseminar on Monday, November 24th at 8pm EST (and you’ll get access to the recordings, in case you can’t make it).

Check out that site and show me where I screwed up,

Craig Ballantyne

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Comments on Ad Copy Mistake »

November 12, 2008

Monty Miller's Boot Camp Fitness @ 5:15 pm

Click to order buttons earlier on the page?

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Aaron Gillies @ 5:17 pm

I think you waited to long to post an opt-in link. Plus you probably could have put an opt-in link on the pictures of the book down the right side of the screen, so that when people click on it, it takes them to the purchase page.

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Kevin Yates @ 5:19 pm

you forgot to add a sign-up opt in for a newsletter or free report

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Jeremy and Alissa Nelms @ 5:29 pm

1. No video.
2. No upsell.
3. Separate page for men and women, instead of addressing in sections of the long copy.
4. No lead capture!!!
5. I would have put the Order Now button in about 3 more places, starting earlier in your copy. :)

Hope I got it!

Jeremy Nelms
No Excuses Fat Loss!

[Reply to this]

Randy @ 5:32 pm

You forgot to add before/after pictures of the people that have used this program.

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Rylan Duggan RK, CSCS @ 5:36 pm

It’s been said already, but no opt-in. At least in the short time I was on the page. If there was an opt-in or popover ad, it was delayed far too long and gives prospects the chance to click away too soon.

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James Davis @ 5:37 pm

The female skimmers wouldn’t necessarily know this is for them as well as your BUY image looks like it is for guys only, you forgot about selling to the ladies.



[Reply to this] @ 5:49 pm

Great comments so far…

1) re: click to order button higher?

I studied other letters long and hard, and being an impatient person myself, i tend to ask early…

but i held off for 2 reasons:

a) I looked at

Its one of the best selling fitness ebooks (maybe even the best), and the order link is about the same spot as mine.

b) Plus, this is a big, expensive package. I didn’t want people to jump the gun and order and then wonder what they ordered.

2) re: no free report optin

Since the goal is maximum immediate sales, I don’t want to have a free report offer up there. I don’t want to distract them from reading the letter.

The optin is important for building a list, and i”ll put it up there soon, but not when i want max sales.

3) re: for women

After analyzing my client list, I’ve found about 80% of bodyweight manual buyers and users are men.

So I actually wrote this copy with a male-orientation, but I also knew one thing…

…women aren’t put off too much by male-oriented copy. In fact, sales tended to be 55-45 for women.

Great points so far, but this one is a tough one!

[Reply to this]

Daniel Munday @ 6:31 pm

Hey Craig,
there are too many “I’s” and not enough “You’s” meaning you talk too much about what you have done and not talking to the reader about them


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Jonas @ 6:32 pm

Craig, I would say you forgot to add in a little taste from your DVD.

You talk about the Free DVD you are giving away and where you filmed it, but if you would have shown just a few minutes from the video (showing a few of the exercises), then more people would probably have invested in the program.

Am I right? =)

Jonas Forsberg

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karmapt @ 6:34 pm

Way way to much text befor you asked for the sale. I almost fell asleep waiting to find out how to order and the price. As a women I alos wondered if it was just another men’s health workout.

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karmapt @ 6:36 pm

Way to much copy before you asked for the sale. I almost fell asleep trying to find out how much and how to order. Was the an ad for a men’s health workout?

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Matt Jennings @ 6:50 pm

You left out before and after pics. Also, D. Kennedy would have suggested no more than 50 characters per line for sales copy.

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Rick Kaselj - Healing Through Movement @ 7:08 pm

I would have cut the copy and shortened it up.

It is long.

Rick Kaselj

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LeBrunFitness @ 7:28 pm


I just briefly looked through the sales copy, but is it that you didn’t include the credibility factors of using the visa and mastercard logos with your order buttons?

I know it’s a small thing, but it usually increases response rate, in my tests, by almost 30%

Good job though!

Shawn Lebrun

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Isabel De Los Rios @ 7:50 pm

No Upsell?

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jfitmom @ 8:21 pm

You didn’t put a definitive time limit before you are going to increase the price from 297 to 349 with shipping charges.


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Ricardo O. Irizarry NSCA-CPT, CSCS @ 8:43 pm

I don’t know if anyone said this but I know that the big mistake you did was:

Not to show a sample video of what you were selling.

Your customers know you have youtube videos. Is that what you are selling? A compilation of youtube videos?

If people see a sample video of what they are getting they don’t have to read the sales copy because they know you offer quality.

Definitely a Video explanation or sample of what they are getting is what you missed.

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Evolving Publishing @ 9:03 pm

On top of some of the things that others have mentioned (opt-in pop up, order buttons, upsell) I didn’t see any before/after pictures or social proof of the program. Also a lot of testimonials without pictures.

About the videos… I don’t see any clips about them on the page.

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Dr. George Burroughs @ 9:20 pm

I know that I am not the first, but as I read it, I noticed two things: First, there was no opportunity to ORDER until very far down the page. Second, there was no opt-in box for those newcomers who may not be ready to purchase but would be great for an Auto-Responder sequence.

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Jeremy and Alissa Nelms @ 9:22 pm

A few other things:

1) Very few before/after (or ANY) photos on the testimonials.
2) No city, state, and/or profession for the testimonial people
3) No “preview” image of the Clickbank shopping cart page, so they know it’s “ok” that they have left your site.
4) No Web 2.0 link (Digg, StumbleUpon, Technorati, etc.)
5) No multiple-payment program option.
6) No trial-offer option.
7) No downsell or special offer upon exiting the page.

Jeremy Nelms
No Excuses Fat Loss!

[Reply to this]

Bryan kavanagh @ 10:23 pm

Hey Craig!

I thought it wasa great site! but then i saw something i dont know if its wrong or right as i dont have much experience but it think the line

(Plus, you’ll receive the workout – for FREE – that helped more than 5,533 men and women lose up to 41 pounds of fat in just 8 weeks)

is bonus material and it is mentioned too early in the copy?
should it not be later in a PS? i dunno just an idea. . i was gonna say the before and after pictures myself but that one was taken :-)

errrmmm. . .

telling them its not their fault?. . shouldnt they accept responsibility for their actions blabla. . (i know hitting the sore spot etc) ah im out ill have another look


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November 13, 2008

Caroline Radway @ 2:47 am

Got here a bit late so nothing new to add, but my initial thoughts were no social proof / credible before & afters with full names / occupations (and all the guys pictured look like fellow pros), too much prose – not broken up enough (i'm a skimmer so read the yellow highlighted stuff!) and no 'trailer'…


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Claire @ 4:57 am

Despatch time is too long….after reading all the text which takes ages, it is quite irritating to find out despatch to the U.K. is 6-8 weeks when you want to be looking gorgeous by Christmas!

Claire Keenan

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The Well-Medic @ 8:35 am

did not see an opt-in/drop-in box to collect visitor info and offer free stuff to show them the value of your program. “Move the free line” isn’t that the new mantra? Also avideo demo/testimonials adds to the social proof.

[Reply to this] @ 9:05 am

First, I want to say thanks to everyone…great feedback, and I’ll be implementing many changes.

I owe you all a big favor!

But we only have one winner…its something that has been said by only person so far…

And I’ll be announcing our winner this afternoon.

Thanks again!


[Reply to this]

Chris Grayson @ 4:16 pm

No video to watch early in the ad copy. A lot of people aren’t going to read all the info you wrote. They’re just going to go right to the cost.

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